Unexpected Blessings in a Pandemic
“To be awake is to be alive.” Henry David Thoreau, Walden
As I write this blog post, I’ve spent a year living in a strict isolation setting in my home with my family. I’ve not gone out in public, not gone into one grocery store—or any store for that matter.
Given my husband’s rare heart condition, cardiac sarcoidosis, and his compromised immune system (due to the high level of immunosuppressant drugs he takes), it has been the right thing for us to do while we’re living in a pandemic.
When I was in college, I spent a semester studying Henry David Thoreau and how he spent two years living alone in the woods, on Walden Pond. A few times over the past year, a memory of Thoreau’s social isolation bubbled up, and the feeling came through me: I can do this too.
My withdrawal from the world may not have been voluntary, like Thoreau’s, but it did offer similar opportunities for personal and spiritual examination and growth.
What have been the unexpected blessings of a pandemic year?
I recognize the privilege of being able to work full time from home, and the ability to have our food delivered to our doorsteps or available via curbside pick-up.
My 24-year-old daughter Adria moved in with us in the middle of the summer to attend remote graduate school in fashion design. She moved here to Minnesota from Miami and plans to land in New York City. This time together is one of a kind, unexpected, and a rich treasure. (Late at night, she often asks me to weigh in on her fabric choices, her design styles, and the latest clothes that hang on a mannequin in our living room, which has become her work studio.)
This past winter has been the most enjoyable in years because I bundled up with many layers of clothing and went on hundreds of walks in the subzero temperatures. Even if I had to wear ice cleats, I witnessed the incredible beauty in nature—the winter geese that actually don’t leave to fly south, the eagles swooping around the neighborhood, and crystallized ice and snow images that I haven’t noticed since my childhood.
Without the outside distractions and lures—dinners out, social gatherings, parties, concerts—I’ve had more space for silence and solitude. I’ve read even more books (I’m a voracious reader) and dropped into deeper meditation every day, building awareness and self-reflection.
Like everyone else during this pandemic, I’ve had some irrational fears that have made my heart skip a beat. And, I remind myself what I teach my clients: step back and name the fear and ruminations, come back into your body, feel, then choose a positive affirmation or a memory, and let these positive feelings marinate within.
Seeing friends and a few family members who’ve not followed social distancing guidelines, at times, has stirred up judgement within me. Witnessing house parties has made me think, “I don’t get it.”
Given my client practice, where I hear regularly of clients sick with Covid; friends and families who’ve lost loved ones to Covid; witnessing colleagues lamenting how hard it is working as a chaplain, when there’s so much death and dying; and the daily struggle emotionally and spiritually for many, I’ve had little bandwidth to respond to a friend who periodically sends me videos about how this pandemic is a hoax.
My immediate family has called me out on my judgement. “You’re the spiritual person, the minister. Listen to you!”
And I realize they are right on.
You can never control another’s behavior. You might be able to influence them, but you can only control yourself. When you judge another, you are only lowering your own vibrational energy, and your well-being diminishes.
Daily exercise, gratitude practice, meditation, and tried and true energy boundary practices have helped me let go of unrest and live into ease and peace.
I’ve experienced grounding and guidance daily through meditation. In meditation, we move out of our beta mind and into our alpha and theta mind, where we can experience a deeply relaxed state, and a felt sense of oneness with the divine.
Judgement and occasional fear still pop up. I’ll notice them and feel them rise in my body. I see where my work lies. I choose to embody love and peace not judgement and unrest.
I realize we are all in this together and trying to do the best we can.
At the end of the day, it is a choice to keep coming back into our heart, to deeply cultivate love and feel it in your body.
Love is the greatest healer.
Learning to love more deeply is to be alive.
To be awake and alive is a gift.