Choosing Forgiveness

When I was eight years-old, a family member stood inches from my face and yelled, “You are nothing!” My spirit was crushed.

This same family member continued with verbal abuse towards me in my early years. I remember this comment and others like them being thrown at me in my childhood. I buried these comments within me.

It wasn’t until I was in my late twenties that I delved into therapy to process them. Doing so gave me insight into how unrest and pain in our childhoods can impact our mind, body, and spirit.

I opened into the pain I had buried, unearthed it, and released it. For me, I chose the path of forgiveness and letting go. A deep knowing within surfaced and I needed to forgive for my healing.

Being human, we often think we’ve done our deep inner work, but then a new challenging situation arises and triggers something within you.

These past six months, I’ve dealt with a very challenging family situation. One of my family members had become ill, and I’d taken what I believed was the right action to help them. A few extended family members were confrontational and very critical during many interactions. The resulting discord caused me tremendous unrest, pain, and sleepless nights.

Finally, the situation came to a head. We reached an impasse. I chose to walk away, for the sake of my health and well-being.

What did I learn?

I learned that I was still hanging on to a few threads of pain from my early childhood experience. That pain had been retriggered by the actions of these extended family members.

Ahh, there is more work to do here, I said to myself.

Again, I chose the path of forgiveness and letting go.

Forgiveness is not a forgetting. Forgiveness is for self-healing. If we hang onto anger and bitterness in our body, it only hurts us. In this case, I developed laryngitis. Not being able to talk for days, I was able to be very quiet and look within.

I breathed into the present moment. I breathed into the tightness I felt in my chest and found its source. I breathed into the felt pain.

A feeling of being silenced came to the surface. As I breathed into it, it moved. I felt an opening, a release in my body. I then visualized sunlight flooding my heart and moving through my whole body. As I breathed out, I visualized gray smoke leaving my body. It was angst, unrest, floating out of me.

After several fifteen-minute sessions of this breathing exercise, I felt a peace in my whole body. My breath felt longer and deeper.

I then practiced forgiveness, saying, “I love you. I bless you. I release you” to all family involved present and past in my life.

A softness entered in, a letting go.

I felt love and compassion.

As I tuned in, my feelings about the recent family situation shifted and lightened. I saw light at the end of the tunnel.

If you are having a hard time forgiving someone, ask universal energy, God, Great Spirit, for help. Look in the mirror and forgive that person and you will see what is holding you back from forgiving them. It will surface. Send loving kindness energy to that person and bless them. And breathe into your body. Your body knows the truth, and only in the body can unrest be released and healing happen.

I see now, as an adult, how the family member who yelled at me when I was a child had done the best they could. They had their own great unease and projected it on the people they loved. It was never about me. I’ve forgiven this person and feel peace and love in my heart.

I invite you to look inward and see if you are holding any unrest or pain. If so, would forgiveness be a component of your healing? We have a choice to forgive, let go of unrest and pain, and choose love.

Healing is a journey. You don’t have to struggle alone, contact a mental health provider for more help.