Choosing Love

It can be challenging to respond to others with love when their behavior pulls us out of a state of emotional equilibrium. At these times, it can be easy to focus on others’ shortcomings and not on why we feel the way we do.

This past month I had an experience that challenged me to stop and self-reflect.

I attended my close friend Susan’s sixtieth birthday party outside in a park. I cherish Susan and was looking forward to meeting some of her friends that I had not met before.

A few days earlier, Susan had told me she wanted me to meet her sister, who she said would be standing at the birthday table. So when I arrived at the party, I headed to the birthday table. I introduced myself to a tall woman I thought was Susan’s sister.

“No,” the woman said. And she looked away.

I then ventured to guess out load who she actually was. She looked back at me and said only, “No,” before turning away again.

Immediately, Susan walked over and introduced the two of us. The woman still did not look in my direction. I felt coolness flow through me. “Oh,” I thought, as I recognized her name. She was one of Susan’s closest friends.

“Nice to meet you,” I said to her, even though her face was still turned away.

In that moment, I felt my heart starting to close.

I didn’t understand the woman’s reaction. Had I caught her in a stressful moment? Was she was feeling overwhelmed or not well? The whole experience was strange and unpleasant.

I shifted my focus to faces I recognized and warmly greeted a handful of people. Then the event started with toasts for Susan.

A day later, when reminiscing about the party, I noticed the feeling of coolness still lingering within me. I sat with this coolness and just let it be. I tried to be curious about what had triggered my heart to close in that moment I’d originally felt it.

Soon it came to me—a thread to an early childhood memory of not being seen or heard.

I leaned into this cool sensation, opened, and felt it. As I sat with the feeling, it started to move and dissipate. In its place, a feeling of compassion started to surface within and for this woman.

Then I practiced a few qigong body movements—shaking and bouncing—that I had learned in my level 1 qigong training.

Bouncing is a powerful exercise for enlivening your body, waking up your qi (energy), and alignment. Shaking also helps enliven your body and physically release any energy that is stagnant in it.

Here is how to do the movements I did:

Stand with your legs hip-width distance apart and your arms at your sides. 

Bend your knees gently

Put a smile on your face.

Visualize the central sun in your heart. 

Start bouncing gently up and down for about a minute.

Keep bouncing and lift your arms up as far as they will stretch, while letting your hands dangle.

You can bounce for as long as you need, with arms up or down, to  awaken your body.

Return to the same starting position, with your knees gently bent and arms at your sides. 

Start shaking your arms.

Now start shaking your torso gently, and then shake your legs. 

Shake your arms, legs, torso, in the sequence that feels right for you. 

As you shake each part of the body, visualize any energy that you no longer need being released from it.

I then focused on my breath for a few minutes, breathing in and visualizing love and light moving into and through my body.

Other people’s behavior is often a reflection of their internal state. It's usually not about us. Understanding this gives us freedom. When we are willing to look inward and explore what may have gotten triggered, healing happens, our hearts open, and life expands.

On the other hand, when we respond with our ego, mirroring another’s behavior, energy level, and reacting from a place of angst and unrest, our hearts close.

I was given the opportunity to face an old, buried, negatively charged feeling within and release it, and open my heart more deeply.

We can choose to have an open heart no matter what. Some days it will take work, and some days it may be hard. But the more we choose love, the more we are able to fully embody love.

Learning to live is about learning to love.

Love is the source of all healing.

What will you choose?